Dear White Men,
This letter isn’t a bashing. It’s not a letter to make you feel guilty or bad. It’s to express some of my concerns and thoughts and maybe to provide some enlightenment about a couple of crazy things about privilege. It is also to ask for your help if you aren’t helping already.
First of all, to let you know, I am a white woman. My father is white. As is my grandfather who is still alive and the one who has now passed on. I have guy friends who are white and who I love.
As is obvious, most politicians in this country and most CEOs are white men. They have been speaking out recently in ways that have been disturbing to many women and enacting laws that seem to want to put women backwards.
White men in Wisconsin just overturned a law that allowed for the wage gap between men and women to shrink. A white man, Wisconsin State Senator Glenn Grothman said he doesn’t believe there is a wage gap and that money is more important to men than it is to women. What about single moms or families where the woman is the main breadwinner or how about it’s not fair or just?
All across the nation white men have passed laws that keep women from being able to make decisions for their bodies- this is dangerous when thinking about the many decisions about our bodies we need to be able to make- like what we wear, whether we take medication, whether we have sex or not (rape), whether we are burned with acid, whether we are sold into marriage or sex slavery, and whether we choose to have an abortion or not.
To take our choices away from us dehumanizes us and puts us at greater risk for violence. White men also defunded the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), which means women are at increasingly greater risk for violence in this society that does not see them as equal and there may not be services enough to help women in the aftermath from that violence.
So, there’s some real craziness going on. It may not look like the Iraq war or Vietnam. It’s a different kind of battle- as all warfare changes. WWII was fought very differently than the Iraq war. Those wars were/are fought very differently than the War On Women. When the laws white men are setting into place lead to more violence, like battering, rape, and murder of women, it’s a war. It could also be argued that this violence against women are strategic tactics of the war.
I’ve been reading a mixture of things from white men lately, comments on blogs, blogs, articles, tweets, Facebook pages… Many white men are upset with what they see in the world right now and are fighting it, standing beside women as allies. Some are completely against the battles women are taking on for their rights and are acting very angry about it. Others see the response to the War On Women as man-bashing. And still others completely deny they have any privilege as white men in this country and world or that women are oppressed.
I want to say something very clearly: There is a system set up that puts you (white men) at the very top. It’s kind of like a pyramid. Everyone below the white man must work to keep the white man on top. Even if individual people don’t believe that, ultimately the system keeps white men in power.
This isn’t your fault. It’s the system’s fault. It gives you privilege even though you didn’t do anything to earn it. And because it’s set up to keep you on top, everything in the system revolves around doing just that. It is so institutionalized and ingrained in everything, that it would be easy for you to ignore and not even see it- that’s the privilege. You are reflected in most all media, the laws and salaries favor you, and you have the power.
If you argue that you are a white man but are poor: that may be the case, but someone gives you a suit jacket and you clean up just like any white man. A man of color puts on a suit jacket. He may have a lot of money, but still he is seen as a man of color and because of the system, less than you. Women are also below you in the triangle, be they white women or women of color. Women of color have even greater discrimination against them than white women- they are discriminated against for being women and also for being people of color. Those two intersectionalities are inseparable.
I know you didn’t ask for this privilege, but with it, you have a greater ability to make change. And understanding your position of privilege, you have a responsibility to work toward change.
I’m writing this specifically to white men for several reasons. One, because the men of color I know have expressed understanding about women’s concerns right now. This certainly does not mean that all men of color get it- they don’t, but the ones I know and the ones who have been writing the comments I have been reading seem to understand somehow overall more than white men.
White men are tired of being pointed at for being bad. Again, not all white men are bad. The system in place is bad and there are a lot of white men right now who are afraid of sharing that power and are fighting to keep the power the system affords them.
The second reason is again, as white men, you have been given the most privilege in the society and therefore have the most power to change things- that’s not to say all the rest of us aren’t going to work on it too, it’s to say- please work on making change for women, for people of color, for equality, for us to have a better nation and a better world.
Thank you for your consideration of this letter. Happy Friday.
Sincerely,
Liza Wolff-Francis
Very eloquently put.
Such powerful words. You’re amazingly beautiful.
Dear Liza,
I understand your concerns, but regret to inform that I, a white man, really am not the person to adress with those concerns. I have no political power and am not an employer. I cannot affect any of the changes you’d like to see.
The only way for me to make any changes, is to vote for people who I believe will change things for the better. Men and women of adult age all have the same power behind their vote, and the female voting population outnumbering the male voting population, I’ve come to logically conclude that you should be adressing the female voting population, rather than me.
I whish you the best of luck should you ever attempt that.
Michael Hawkins
P.S: I’ve adressed you by your first name because I’m replying to you as an individual, not “a white woman” or anything similar.
Dear Michael,
Thank you for your comment. That’s totally fine that you addressed me by my first name and I’m doing the same for you. My blog is really to encourage all people to understand that we are living under the system of Patriarchy, which oppresses women and overall doesn’t work for men. I believe that when people are more aware of how this system works, they will be able to make more informed choices about how they vote and that things will change.
I do believe there are things you can do, even if you are not a politician or an employer. Talk to other men you know about the laws being set that hurt women, talk about women’s inequality, talk about the violence against women that ultimately exists because of that inequality, talk about sexism. Make sure men you know understand that this isn’t about them as individuals, it’s about a system, that they also can work to change to make this world better for everyone. Explore the system of Patriarchy to understand it more for yourself. It is so complex, there is no way to know it all. It has some benefits to men, but it also hurts men in that it sets men up to be violent to assert power and encourages men to be perpetrators of violence against men, women, and children. It also keeps men from being able to express a full range of emotions and from being caretakers to their children. It doesn’t allow men to see beyond their privilege because it’s harder to see the way the world works for others due to their skin color and gender when things are going fine because of yours.
I don’t know you, so I’m not saying you are being overtly sexist in your life. You hopefully aren’t, but a lot of men are. It may not be in the political realm, or as big as Rush Limbaugh, but it’s all over. It’s women being valued only as sexual beings, it is street harassment, sexual harassment, it is calling women who work at McDonalds “cunts” on Twitter, it is the popularlizing of the word “bitch” by the media. It is the fundamental ubiquitous belief that women are inferior. That is what needs to change.
I’m not saying it’s all on your shoulders to change the world because you’re white and a man. I’m asking you to do your part and stand up, at every opportunity that arises, for women and women’s rights to be equal participants in the society as men. I’m asking you to look for those opportunities in your own life. I’m asking you to understand and help other men understand that it’s not personal, but things have got to change and white men have to be a part of making that change. I also recognize this isn’t always easy or comfortable, but I am asking you Michael, to find ways to do so.
I addressed this post to white men specifically because there are a lot of white men expressing concern, anger, and frustration over the internet that they are being “bashed,” “discriminated against,” and “put down.” This is not the case. As a woman, I am concerned about being able to fully participate in the world without being at risk of violence. White men must also be in this fight for change.
Thank you.
Liza Wolff-Francis
Matrifocal Point
You are very well spoken and considerably better at constructing your arguments than any person I’m used to speaking to on this subject (both genders). I’d like to share some personal thoughts with you, just to make my side, a (just one) mens point of view. This is more of a personal note to you, I’d like to point out some of the ideas you’ve stated as being … reasonably controversial.
Allow me start with the caveat that a lot of womens rights actvists *would* probably call me overtly sexist if we were to have a hard-on-hard debate about these issues. I don’t think I am and neither do the dozens of women I interact with on a daily basis. I believe that both men and women face discrimination in our society and I believe that -short of insurmountable differences- any and all discrimination is bad.
(insurmountable differences including gender specific health risks such as exposure to lead, I’m a fire assayer, some companies simply do not allow women to do my job, and I’m perfectly fine with that, which makes me sexist by the strict definition of that word)
Both men and women face discrimination, both men and women only fully appreciate the discrimination which they themselves experience. The result of this being a percieved lack of empathy from the opposite gender. A lot of white men are expressing concern, anger, and frustration over the internet that they are being “bashed,” “discriminated against,” and “put down”, because that is what they experience or perceive to be reality.
Much in the same sense, women are expressing concern about discrimination against women becasue that is what *they* experience or perceive to be the case.
I think of myself as a somewhat intelligent person, certainly I am sensible enough to not dismiss the hostile-to-women point of view, because I know I can not have experienced it. Likewise, it would behoove you well to not simply diregard voices who claim men suffer discrimination as well.
To reply to one point you’ve made: “it sets men up to be violent to assert power and encourages men to be perpetrators of violence against men, women, and children.”
Speaking for the US legal system: men systematically face more severe punishment for crime, violent or otherwise, than women. The legal system, case law and legal precedents disencourage men more so than women from engaging in criminal and violent behavior.
I invite you to reserve your judgement on people advocating mens rights until you’ve actually taken the time to talk to them and to try and understand the issue. We aren’t foaming at the mouth women-haters, we are simply people expressing concern about the world as we see it.
Michael,
proud owner of an open mind
Women’s rights = human rights. At one point or another, everyone’s well-being has depended on the health and well-being of a woman. You would think that it would go about saying that all people should be standing up for women’s rights. Sadly, it’s not so. Thank you for your post, don’t let yourself be cowed by negativity, although it seems like the current trend is to respond by trying to “flip the script” and denying any existence of privilege (and, in fact, claiming that white men are the “true victims”).
And on that point…I heard you made a bit of a splash on the Reddit Men’s Rights forum. You know what I find really interesting? Comedian Louis CK said something similar to your post (although much blunter and cruder) in his “Being White” clip from his stand-up (“If you’re white and you don’t admit it’s great, you’re an asshole. It’s great and I’m a MAN. How many advantages can one person have? I’m a white man. You can’t even hurt my feelings.”). When this clip was a big thing on Reddit, I don’t remember a similar response. When Louis CK held IAMA court on Reddit, no one brought it up. Yet, you could argue that the messages are not dissimilar, but the reaction to them is. The only thing that I can think of is that the gender of the messenger is part of the problem. This from a group of people who come together online to complain about being discriminated against for their gender. Interesting, that.